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Post by emmy on Mar 11, 2003 12:06:53 GMT 12
I found another one of those funny two towers thing in The Sun-Herald:
NEWS EXTRA 27 9 March 2003
DAVE BARRY
I finally saw the new The Lord Of The Rings movie, which is entitled The Lord Of The Rings II: A Lot More Stuff Happens. It’s a tad on the long side (three days) but I’m not complaining. My eyeballs were literally riveted to the screen, by literal rivets, from the moment I sat down until the moment I lost all sensation in my lower body.
Yes, this is a classic movie, the kind that makes you laugh; makes you cry; makes you wonder over and over, if this would be a good time to go to the bathroom. Above all, it’s a movie that makes you think about the issues raised by the plot, the main issue being: what the heck IS the plot?
I say this because it’s a very complicated story, with many subplots and something like 11,000 major characters, most of whom have hard-to-remember names like Flagodirt or Grempkin. So, today, I present the following: SIMPLIFIED SCREENPLAY FOR THE LORD OF THE RINGS II
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Post by emmy on Mar 11, 2003 12:07:27 GMT 12
Scene 1
FRODO: Darn! I still have this darned ring that I got in the first movie!
SAMWISE: The ring with the terrible power that causes everyone who comes near it to over-act?
FRODO: Yes! And to destroy it, we must walk, slowly, in real time, all the way across New Zealand!
SAMWISE: But who will guide us?
FRODO: How about a reptilian computer-generated creature with a bad comb-over?
SAMWISE: Dick Cheney’s in this movie?
GOLLUM: Very funny, Hobitt-breath
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Post by emmy on Mar 11, 2003 12:08:13 GMT 12
Scene 2
LORD ARAGORN: Well, my two trusty companions – Legolas, the Strangely Tall Elf; and Gimli, the Comic Relief Dwarf – in our subplot we are pursuing Merry and Pippin, who have been captured by Orcs, and now we find ourselves in the Kingdom of Rohan, ruled by King Theoden, whose niece, Eowyn, will become my second love interest once the king is released from the spell cast by his trusted counsellor Grima Wormtongue, who is secretly in league with the evil wizard Saruman!
LEGOLAS: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
LORD ARAGORN: Me either. I’m just reading the script.
GIMLI: Well, I’m really short!
(Laughter)
LORD ARAGORN: But enough explanatory dialogue. It’s time for one of the estimated 17 big sword-clanging battles we have in this movie with hideous computer-generated monsters who always outnumber us by the thousands, although we defeat them every time, because we are courageous heroes!
MONSTERS: Arrrrrr.
SWORDS: CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!…
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Post by emmy on Mar 11, 2003 12:09:00 GMT 12
Scene 3
MERRY: Well, Pippin, we escaped the Orcs, and now we are being carried around by talking trees!
PIPPIN: Apparently, the audience will swallow anyting!
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Post by emmy on Mar 11, 2003 12:09:25 GMT 12
Scene 4
FRODO: Uh-oh! The movie is over, and I still have this darned ring! Do you realise what that means?
SAMWISE: No! Not that!
FRODO: Yes. Another sequel.
MONSTERS: Arrrrrr!!!!
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Post by Cedric on Mar 11, 2003 23:11:20 GMT 12
That's the third time I've seen that... the third time. All from different places. Why does everyone get that. Go here: lawisewoman.com/CaptionIntroIndex.htmlCaptions. Some funny. Some lame. Some just plain stupid. |
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Post by emmy on Mar 12, 2003 12:38:22 GMT 12
I don't know... I got it from The Sun-Herald last Sunday... along with the huge picture of Orlando Bloom on the front page of Metro (the only broadsheet section in the paper...).
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Post by Cedric on Mar 12, 2003 17:05:07 GMT 12
Last Sunday? I swear someone got it from an Australian paper ages before that. Odd...
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Post by emmy on Mar 14, 2003 0:38:06 GMT 12
Yeah... I mean, you wouldn't expect a newspaper to plagarise...
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Post by Nesstar on Mar 14, 2003 21:46:58 GMT 12
I've seen that b4 2...although I still find it funny! It's not the sort of thing I would expect 2 find in a respected newspaper tho.
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Post by Cedric on Mar 15, 2003 22:50:23 GMT 12
Respected newspapers cater to everyone. Definitely Sunday paper material.
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